Stress Busters

Make Your Life Interesting

So many times we live our lives doing what other people want us to do or doing what we think is expected of us. This may be practical in the workplace where we need to fulfill our job duties. In our personal lives, however, if we are always doing what other people want us to, we neglect our own interests, needs, and desires, and our spirit withers. Our life becomes out of balance, and we are more prone to stress.

Perhaps it's been so long that you don't even remember what interests you. If that's the case, take a minute to picture a younger you, free from adult responsibilities (no job, no mortgage payments, etc.). How do you spend your time?  Putting together jigsaw puzzles? Helping cook the meals? Playing hopscotch or basketball? Window shopping? Reading a good science fiction adventure? Going to a movie at the multiplex? Try to uncover the things that brought you joy in the past and return to them. Spend some time each day (or at least each week) doing those things. To discover additional interests that will bring you more joy, try new things: for example, take a dance lesson, try a different type of cuisine, learn to play chess, or take up archery.

Can you allow yourself to make your life more interesting without feeling guilty or selfish? For some of us, especially those who tend to be caregivers, this can be hard. Block out "personal investment" time in your calendar. Fill up the rest of the calendar year (and the year after that, if you want to) with 30 minutes or more of daily (or at least weekly) quality time that is just for you. Schedule it in non-erasable pen or black marker (a "solid" booking) so you have to think twice before you are tempted to forfeit your personal time for others. If you invest in yourself first, your emotional health will improve, and you will have a better, stronger you to share with others.

Say No

Sometimes in order to reserve enough time and energy for yourself, you need to say no to other people's requests. You don't have to say no every time, just when you know in your heart that 1) you don't want to fulfill the request, or 2) you are dangerously close to being over-committed, or 3) saying yes would mean you forfeit time you scheduled for yourself.

So the next time someone asks, "Gee, can you have the meeting at your house this week?" or "I have you down for making 100 brownies for the bake sale, you can handle that, right?" or "Will you do me a favor and stuff 1,000 envelopes for our organization's mass mailing this weekend?" or "Will you run for treasurer of the club this year?" and you really want to say no, just say no! 

Easier said than done? Practice saying no in the mirror. Say it in different tones, in varying volume. Find a way to say no that feels comfortable for you. If you are a person who rarely says no, think of it as learning a new language. Sing a bunch of songs to familiar tunes like Row, Row, Row Your Boat or Old MacDonald Had a Farm until no becomes as familiar as a melody.

Manage Your Time

Many people feel stressed when they try to do too much at once or when they procrastinate and then are faced with a flurry of deadlines. Good time management takes a little planning. You might be thinking: I don't have the time to plan! But, five or 10 minutes of planning can save you hours in the long run.

First, find out where your time goes. Take a week and keep a time log documenting how each 15- or 30- minute interval is spent. Keep an eye out for "time hogs," people or things that waste your time. Try to come up with ways to make your time more efficient. For example, if a coworker repeatedly interrupts you throughout the day with questions, ask that coworker to save up all his or her questions until you can meet to discuss them. If cooking or meal planning takes up much of your time, delegate the responsibility of some of the meals to other family members.

Make lists and prioritize. Start by making a list of all of the things you hope to accomplish today. Prioritize the list. Tackle the items on your list from the top down. If possible, finish one job before starting the next. If you don't finish your list, that's OK; you got the important jobs done anyway.

Avoid procrastination. If there's an important task you know you'll put off because you don't like or want to do it, work on that first. Get it out of the way so you are free to devote 100 percent of your focus to the next task, without hearing that internal voice nagging, "I should really be working on...." For example, if you detest filing papers but need to do it, get it over within the first hour of your work day. Then move on to tasks you like better.

If you are faced with a huge job like planning a gigantic party or writing an extensive proposal, break the job into smaller, more manageable tasks. Complete the job step by step. Delegate some of the tasks to others whenever it is appropriate.

Be Optimistic

Studies show that optimists enjoy better health and longer life than pessimists. Optimists are people who look on the bright side, even when life is stressful. If your natural tendency is to be pessimistic, you can increase your level of optimism by challenging any negative thoughts or ideas you have. When you recognize a negative thought, ask yourself, "is that necessarily so? How could it be different?" For example:

Pessimistic thoughts: "I know I'm going to have a terrible time at the company picnic. It's outside and it'll probably rain. I'm just going because it's the politically correct thing to do. I hate spending more time with my coworkers than I have to."

Challenge: "Is that necessarily so? How could it be different?"

Optimistic responses: "It might not be so bad. The sun is shining now. This could be my opportunity to rub elbows with Jim in Marketing, who might help me get that promotion I want. What a perfect opportunity to improve relationships with my coworkers."

Relinquish Control

Many events are unavoidable and beyond our power to control. People complain a lot about taxes, but that doesn't make them go away. Traffic jams happen, especially, it seems, when we running late. Stewing over these uncontrollable situations zaps the vital energy we need for health and balance. It's better to accept the things we cannot control with a little bit of grace.

Try to recognize the things you can control and the things you cannot. When tempted to control the uncontrollable, remember, the only thing you can control is your response. In a traffic jam you can choose to honk the horn, pound your fists on the steering wheel, and scream, or you can choose to turn on the radio, listen to music you like, and calmly wait for traffic to clear. The first response will increase your stress level; the second will decrease it.

Practice Visualization

Visualization is a time-out for yourself, a mini vacation. You can also think of it as organized and purposeful daydreaming. Try this: with your eyes closed, imagine yourself someplace you really enjoy such as a beach, ski slope, trout stream, or forest. Imagine the warmth of the sun, gentle breezes, delightful companions, time to relax, and pleasant smells. Hear the sounds of the surf, birds, rustling leaves, and babbling brooks. In a few minutes you can clear your mind, if only briefly, of the stressful clutter of everyday living.

Engage in Positive Self-Talk

So often our internal comments (our "self-talk") are critical. What messages are you giving yourself during the day? When you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up? Do you doubt your abilities? Do you play important conversations or interactions over and over in your head to figure out if you said or did the "right" thing? Are you critical of your body or facial features? Do you pick apart your personality?

Listen to your self-talk. When you notice it's negative ("I can't do that. Who am I kidding? I'm no good."), try to turn it around. Talk to yourself as if you were encouraging a best friend or child. Use phrases that are supportive: "I am giving it my best shot. I can do this. I am successful."

If positive self-talk is foreign and elusive to you, use the ready-made affirmations below to create a bridge from negative self-talk to positive self-talk. The phrases may sound canned or phony to you at first, but remember, you are creating a new habit, and changing behaviors always feels uncomfortable initially. After some diligent practice, you will be able to think of positive phrases on your own. Reward yourself (a new outfit, a book, an hour to yourself) the day you notice you are being encouraging and supportive to yourself without even trying.

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